


111. death's doorstep

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [241]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 00:43:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9942428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: Sarah’s death is with her from the moment she is born.





	

Sarah’s death is with her from the moment she is born.

She doesn’t realize until later that not everyone can see it, their death; she lives her life assuming everyone has a version of themselves sitting next to them, a reflection from the mirror just when the light hits it: washed-out, strange angles. Sarah’s death never speaks, just sits quietly next to her and waits. She knows exactly what it is. It’s comforting, in a way: they’ve never had to have a conversation, there has never been a need to clarify. Sarah’s death dogs her footsteps, sits on the back of the couch and bangs its feet against the cushions. It’s the only one who’s never left her.

They’re not the same. They should be, maybe, but they aren’t. Sarah’s death always frowns when Sarah only adds one sugar packet to her tea; Sarah’s death is fascinated by babies in a way that makes Sarah frightened. Her death will tail after her to clubs, but sits at the foot of the bed when she takes boys home and blows spit bubbles to itself in silence. She can feel the disapproval radiating off of it in waves, like heat on fake grass.

“So, what,” she says to it once, when she’s drunk enough and high enough that arguing with her death seems like a good idea. “You gonna tell me when it’s time? You gonna let me know? Or is that too helpful for you, bet that’s it. Yeah? Am I right?”

Sarah’s death lolls its tongue out at her, and then reaches out and solemnly pokes her on the nose. It grins, laughs silently to itself, and doesn’t answer.

“Oi, don’t you touch me,” Sarah says. “Gonna kill my nose.”

Her death reaches out and tweaks her nose, this time, pulls back with its thumb between its fingers and a look of exaggerated surprise. _Got your nose_ , it doesn’t say.

“Oh my god,” Sarah says. “I’m gonna slip on a banana peel or some shite. That’s why you’re like this. My death is _stupid_.”

The thumb slips out. The face of her death is solemn. It shakes its head, once: _no_.

The two of them sit there in silence, and it hits Sarah hard – a car spinning on an icy road at midnight. Dark, cold, dark. She is talking to her death. She is going to die. It will not be stupid; if the face of her death is to be believed it will be very, very real.

“I should hate you,” she says, “shouldn’t I.”

Her death shrugs a shoulder in a lopsided sort of way. She feels a terrible affection for it. It needs her, doesn’t it? What is it going to do after she’s gone?

“Mime it,” she says. “I don’t care. I just want to know, yeah? Just – tell me?”

Her death doesn’t say anything. Its chin ducks down with something soft – sadness, disappointment, regret, guilt. Sarah doesn’t know.

“But you’ll be there the whole time,” she says, “right?”

Her death sucks its lips between its teeth and nods, one determined motion.

“Alright,” Sarah says, and swallows. “Long as I’m not alone, I guess it’ll be fine.” Despite her words her voice shakes. Despite everything she is terrified. Maybe it’s now. Maybe that’s why her death reached out and touched her – a car will come crashing through the wall, she’ll have a heart attack. Her death sitting there and watching with those big wide eyes that are too close to being her own.

“I don’t want to die,” she says in the small voice of a child. Her death doesn’t say anything back, so the words echo in the air for far too long after they’re out of her mouth.

“Do you want that?” she says. “That what you’re waiting for?”

Her death opens its mouth. Then it closes it. It stares down at its version of Sarah’s hands, folded neatly in its lap. It does not provide her with an answer.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


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